Sep 26 2015 Sat
6:15 pm PHT
Being an introvert and with a great deal of introspection, I know myself well enough to describe myself as an inertial person. That is, I don’t really like drastic changes. I don’t like moving around. I take comfort in the familiar and the routine. I rarely engage in new experiences unless the benefits are worth my while. This is especially true when it comes to major life decisions. I will not uproot my life unless the need for change is great and beneficial.
So now I am approaching a big fork in the road.
The change in direction was a long time coming. I suspected of it a few years ago, but events earlier this year helped me make a decision. Fortuitous entreaties from down south cemented the choice. If things go as planned, by the end of the year, I will be actualizing one of those aforementioned major life decisions.
I will not be elaborating on the decision here because I know that some people affected will be caught off-guard. And the specifics do not matter now in this space. What matters for me right now is that I put in writing the feelings and emotions that goes with the decision. It’s been more than a decade since I last had a comparable change, and the thought of abandoning what is currently familiar and replacing it with something unknown gives me anxiety and apprehension, but anticipation as well. Doubts still linger like moths around a lamppost, but every consequential step towards the fork in the road (like writing this entry) firms my resolve.
I feel a hint of bitterness and disappointment. There is also a tinge of regret because the change could have come sooner had some people been more forthcoming. Then again, the current circumstances does feel like a blessing in disguise and the timing could hardly be better. I just need to work up the determination to prepare for the change and make the transition smooth.
I am an inertial person, but enough force has been applied. There is no turning back.